How to Arrange First Dates With a Woman

Here it is: I think men's dating and seduction advice in general focuses WAY too much on the pickup stage.
Don't get me wrong. I get it. If you don't actually MEET women, then there's not much chance at anything else happening from there. Granted.

But the problem is that if we beg, borrow or steal just to get her number (or in the case of online dating, a response to our first e-mail), we may actually be mortgaging our ultimate success with women in the process.
The canned lines, cut/paste e-mails and whatever "means to the end" we come up with can leave us asking, "Uh...what do I do next?" sooner than later in our budding relationships with the hotties we've just met.
And when that happens, we don't exactly look confident or masculine.
What's more, we get uncomfortable...and she follows our lead.
Worst of all, she may even wonder who we REALLY ARE under there. Demonstrating character? Forget it, pal.
So you've got it: If you are shortsighted enough to throw all your eggs in the pickup basket (perhaps literally), you stand an excellent chance of getting NOWHERE beyond that.
Why? Because you've basically STRUCK OUT when it comes to being a "big four" man...all in under ten minutes.
Ouch.
With all this in mind, it's no wonder I get tons of messages from guys who report getting their fair share of numbers, but can't seem to get a woman to actually SHOW UP in person for a first meeting (aka "first dates", "Day 2", etc.
Believe me. I've been there. It's frustrating stuff.
And it's easy to blame women for being so "flaky", isn't it?
But guess what? It might not be that women are all that "flaky" after all. It may be that YOU LED.
Before you go accusing me of sniffing drain pipes again, I invite you to consider the following suggested sequence of events as a proposed new strategy for increasing "take rate" on first meetings.
After all, you can keep on doing what you've always done and keep on getting what you've always gotten...like ever other Average Joe.
OR you can handle things with a little more polish and style and outperform average guys when it comes to success with women.
What'll it be?
1) THINK A FEW CHESS MOVES AHEAD
I admit it. I can't sit still long enough to enjoy chess.
But I know this much: What separates a great chess player from all others is an ability to visualize what the board could conceivably look like several moves ahead.
By doing this, he is able to form his next move with a greater eventual goal in sight...perhaps even without his opponent realizing the depth of his strategy until it's too late.
Now it's not like we're trying to ensnare women into being checkmated here, of course, but you get the idea.
Instead of approaching a woman with "tunnel vision" about getting her number (or simply not getting rejected), try opening your mind to the bigger picture.
Simply adopting the mindset that the approach, the conversation and even the "number close" don't equal "success" in themselves will get you on the right track...even as most other guys are already derailed.
Think in terms of looking ahead to a successful first date and eventually calling your own shot regarding continuing the relationship or not. This simple mind shift will work wonders from minute one...literally.
2) HER COMFORT IS EVERYTHING
If you are worried about being rejected, worried about saying the wrong thing, worried she has a boyfriend, or worried about ANYTHING else don't be surprised if she's worried right back atcha.
Again...women will follow your lead.
If you aren't creepy, aggressive or otherwise threatening most women will be PERFECTLY FRIENDLY to you. And if they are not friendly even in the face of you being perfectly reasonable and personable with them, then I'd say you've DODGED A BULLET.
Believe me, I hear from guys all the time who are confused about consistent failure to make first dates happen...and they blame women for it.
But the reality is that they've almost always been presenting themselves to women in a way that causes discomfort to them.
And if she's not comfortable with you, she's NOT GOING OUT WITH YOU.
She simply will not be willing to be alone with you. Even in a "well lit public area".
The cure is to STOP being so self-absorbed. Let go of the potential bad things that could happen to YOU in a pickup situation, and instead wake up to considering what will make her feel MORE COMFORTABLE with you.
Women actually love it when a calm, casual guy starts a respectful conversation with them.
By the way, you are NOT a threatening, creepy weirdo simply because you are a man, so STOP worrying about that too.
You are only a threatening, creepy weirdo when you're threatening, creepy or weird. And if you're not normally that way, it's only going to come off as such if you're too wadded up in your own gig to pay attention to the situation at hand.
3) BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS, BUT CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY
OK, now we get to the part that you might especially appreciate if you often find yourself striking up great conversations with women only to later be left wondering "what happened?"
Basically, we've got to keep in mind that women REALLY DO want to meet guys, go on dates and be happy.
But all too often, we instead talk them out of going out with us before they've even had a chance to draw their own conclusions.
It's OKAY to want to see her again. It's OKAY that you're attracted to her.
In fact, she KNOWS both of those things already. Instinctively.
So make with it, already. ASK HER OUT. Otherwise, she's not going to ask herself out.
And she's not going to suggest it's okay for you to ask her out either, in case you're wondering. She wants you to LEAD.
So stop shying away from all of this. If you wimp out, she'll know exactly what the deal is.
It sounds so basic, doesn't it? But in the real world, guys get a woman's number and they quickly duck out, thinking they're "quitting while they're ahead".
You don't want HER NUMBER...you want HER. Think about that one for a second.
If you've ever been in sales before, think of it this way: You don't want a LEAD...you want a SALE.
Commissions are WAY DIFFERENT than human beings, of course, but the analogy applies, doesn't it?
So don't simply "get her number". Tell her you want to see her again.
And here are the three magic words: "Lets make plans."
You don't have to come right out with the pressure of, "Uh...let's go out on a date." And you don't have to euphemize the issue by saying, "Let's hang out sometime."
Nope. "Let's make plans" is the world's smoothest way to articulate EXACTLY what you are up to...all in a distinctly masculine and confident manner.
4) SET EXPECTATIONS
Sure, you've actually got to get her number. But what most guys forget to do is tell her what they plan to DO with her number.
As we've just noted above, lots of guys LEAVE after getting her number.
But the reality is that they're only setting themselves up for failure.
When you get her number, tell her you're going to CALL HER. And tell her WHEN.
You're not going to "hit and run" with some text message because you have no idea what you'd say were she to actually answer the phone and/or because you fear she won't have an "erase/re-record" function on her voicemail.
And since you are a confident, masculine man you don't worry about looking "needy" because you AREN'T needy.
So assuming you really have to get up early the next morning and it's going to be a long day, tell her you'll call her day after tomorrow. Sometime around mid-evening, maybe.
She's a human being, man. And if you've made it this far there's a pretty good chance she'll be excited to hear from you when you call. So shouldn't Step One be to let her know when she might expect to be ready to answer the friggin' phone?
After all, most guys get her number without giving her theirs (which does not have to be your style, by the way). So as a result, all you are is an unknown phone number at a random time...unless you MAN UP and set expectations appropriately.
5) FOLLOW UP
Now here's the simplest (but not necessarily the easiest) part: Actually DO what you said you'd do.
If you were smart, when setting expectations you told her that you value women with integrity and that you won't be playing any games.
You may have even told her that you look forward to talking to her more and had the presence of mind to make sure she plans on being available at the time you're going to call her.
So you call her when you said you would, and you MAKE PLANS like you said you would.
You tell her when you'd like to meet with her. You tell her you believe that the man should pick a woman up and bring her home, but you respect the fact that you're just getting to know each other so if she'd like to meet you at the appointed place and time that's fine.
She'll tell you what she's comfortable with. And yes...she'll be COMFORTABLE with the choice-all because you set the tone.
And if she can't make it when you suggest, she may offer a different time. Then again, she may not have that part of dating skill figured out yet. After all, she's HUMAN, remember?
If she doesn't suggest a time when she is available, suggest a second one for her. If she can't make that one, then you have two choices.
First, you can assume she's uninterested and hang up. After all, that's what some PUAs would tell you to do.
Or, you can sack up and remember you aren't desperate. You're simply a man who knows how to get what he wants and make things happen.
You can say that she clearly sounds like a busy woman, and that can only mean that she REALLY needs to get out of the house. Have her suggest TWO times that will indeed work for her. One will likely work for you.
Then get over yourself. It was either that or voluntarily cancel your own chances. Sometimes women are thinking exactly what you're thinking: "don't be too available". Someone's got to break the stalemate, and you can LEAD by breaking it the way I just suggested...and come off as even more of a real man in the process.
Truth be told, there's no "foolproof" way to get a first date with a woman. Anything can happen between when you first approach her and when you actually get around to meeting alone together.
But given a situation where it's unreasonable to "make plans" on the spot and take her with you, what I've just shared is a WAY more solid plan than what most guys consciously bring to the table.
The key word being "conscious". Look alive out there, and give yourself a clear advantage.

Scot McKay's very best tips and secrets for the high quality man are found at: http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/masterplan.

Dating Advice - Attract Women By Being A Fun Guy

If there is one thing you can do at a bar or club that will increase your chances with women tenfold is to look like your having a great time. Remember the Cindy Lauper song "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?".

7 Ways to Get Her Alone With You

The Problem
How many times has this happened to you: You've eyed an attractive woman from across the bar, honed in, and made your approach. You make landfall, confident as ever. She's interested in what you have to say, she's engaged in the conversation, she wants to hear more, she's putting her arm on your shoulder; let's just say, things are going well. Except, there's just one problem, she's with a group of 5 of her friends and you can already see one, or more, of them is about to make the rest of your night much more difficult.

How to Get Him to Propose

4. Answer his texts and calls less often
This might seem like no big deal, but putting a little space between the two of you can help. Give him a sense that you're not 100% happy in the relationship - but don't start any arguments. Don't be rude or unfriendly. Be nice, be yourself, just become a little distant. Sometimes when a guy thinks that you're okay with just being his girlfriend, instead of his wife, he won't make any move to commit. You should send some signals to him that you're not going to be just his girlfriend forever.
3. See Him Only Once or Twice a Week for a Few Weeks

5 Ways to Spice Up The Romance In Your Marriage - Strictly for Men

Romance in marriage is a very important factor that couples should not toy with it. Rather it should be a major component of their relationship. Considering the fact that couples are meant to spend their lives with each other, it is therefore important that they seek new ways to spice up their romance. Here are some ways to ignite the fire of romance in your marriage.

5 Tips To Help Resolve Marital Problems

Marriage is not always devoid of conflicts, especially when we consider the fact that two people with different views and opinion are involved. It is very important that couples find a means of resolving marital problems whenever they arise. In this article, I will be sharing 5 tips to resolving marital problems.

5 Ways To Make Your Husband Happy - Strictly for Women

Marriage is about happiness and fulfillment, which is what every couple looks out for in an enduring relationship. Considering the way men are wired, the woman who desires to make her marriage a success must give herself to the course of her relationship. This is obvious because most men who divorced their wives argued that they where not getting the best from their marriage. In this article, I will be sharing 5 ways a woman can make her husband happy.

Is Divorce What You Really Want?

If you've been divorced this post may offend you. If it does, I'm so sorry because that certainly isn't my intent. But if you are married and especially married with children, this post is for you. We know what the Bible says about divorce and I think so many have heard it so many times that they may tend to ignore it; mostly because, I think,

Save My Marriage Or Relationship - Getting to the Core of Relationship Problems

How to save a marriage or relationship by identifying the core issues that have caused problems in the first place. This article discusses how our fundamental fears and needs eventually damage or destroy a relationship. It provides some practical ideas on how to get the communication going again in a relationship and the best way to repair a relationship.

Many people search on my website because their relationship has run into difficulties and they are looking for help or ideas. The truth is that sustaining a successful romantic relationship is one of the hardest things we will ever do in life.  After falling in love and the ‘honeymoon’ period, we all have to work on our relationships. This is because relationships bring up our deepest fears and insecurities. We can even think of relationship problems as our best opportunity to heal our personal issues – that is why we have come together with our partner.
I could offer you some temporary fixes to an ailing relationship, but if we are really going to save it and turn it into a lifetime partnership we must learn how to work on the negative issues that come up between us and a partner. To save a relationship and make it sustainable into the future we must be willing to heal the core issues that have caused it to run into difficulties in the first place.
 Unexpressed Fear and Needs
All relationship problems arise from a breakdown in the loving connection between two people. There will always be some negative emotions that have not been expressed in the relationship – it is the fear associated with these, usually unconscious, feelings that destroys the relationship. The unexpressed feelings cause us to separate from our partner because we do not want them to see our negative side in case they reject us. Ironically, this is exactly what our protective strategy brings about!
Out of our fear comes our needs and these create demands on our partners. If there is a problem in a relationship, one or more significant need is NOT being met. Interestingly this will be the same need that your partner also feels is lacking in the relationship. By identifying your unmet needs you can give this same thing to your partner and they will automatically begin to give this same thing back to you. It is even better if you can talk about your fears and needs with your partner in an emotionally mature way. Honest and heartfelt communication is the best way to save a relationship. It can take courage to express your feelings but this is the way forward in a relationship problem. Sometimes it takes time and the help of a third party to do this, so you might consider some counselling. As you communicate about your unmet needs and fears you will find that your partner shares them and any problems will then fall away.Arguments and Rows
Relationship fights are about who is going to meet the needs of the other person. Given that they are always shared by both partners, you can see how futile this is. To end an argument and prevent others occurring you must be willing to stop the fight over needs and think about what you could give to the relationship to make it better. Such leadership only comes when we recognise the cause of the fights and gain sufficient emotional maturity not to be triggered into anger and attack.
Judgements
Our judgements about our partners are really our self-judgements. We project out the parts of ourselves that we do not like on the people around us. What are you judging in your partner? What annoys you about them? Perhaps they are always busy at work and you don’t feel they value you. If so, how much do you value yourself and how much quality time do you give to yourself. By working on your own self-esteem (see my website for more ideas) you will become more attractive to your partner. After all, they fell in love with you because of the positive qualities they saw in you – find these again in yourself, embody them with all your senses and start giving them once again.
Sex
One of the biggest problems in a relationship can be a deterioration or complete cessation of sex. Although this seems a fundamental and fatal flaw, it is really just a symptom of the emotional distance between two people. Our fears, needs and unexpressed emotions causes us to separate on the physical, emotional and indeed spiritual level. We are afraid of allowing our partner to get too close to us in case they see the person inside of us that we don’t like. Most of this happens unconsciously so we aren’t always aware of it. Again more honesty around our feelings about sex and a willingness to work on our self-esteem will always hep in the bedroom. As the love returns to a relationship the sex will be naturally re-kindled. Sex can get as good as it was when you first met and often even better, as you heal your mutual fears.
Spirituality
 If you have a spiritual or religious belief you can ask for help and guidance from God (or however you know a divine or spiritual presence in your life). At the core of all relationship problems is a loss of faith in our own spirit and divine, loving connections. In fact we are afraid of this much connection – afraid of a spiritual oneness where there is just love for ourselves, everybody and everything. It seems that we create our relationship problems to avoid accepting our true loving destinies. Any spiritual practice will help with re-connecting with our spirit and help us to find peace and love in our romantic relationships.
 Love
 I assume you first got together with your partner because you felt so much love for them. At that time you both put aside your fears and needs and discovered unconditional love. Being human means that those fears often return but we can heal them best with a partner providing we are willing and brave enough to go into those areas of pain in our mind that we have hidden away. We avoid expressing our pain because we don’t want our partner to see what we perceive as a weakness – we fear they will reject us and leave us, and yet if we don’t express them the relationship is at great risk. Therefore a willingness to open our hearts and just become more authentic will always reveal the truth in a relationship and allow both partners to grow and take their lives forward.
So what is it that is holding your relationship back? Now is the time to grasp the nettle and open your heart. Feel into your own pain and hidden insecurities and realise that these are also in your partner, but probably cleverly hidden by compensatory behaviour. Your partner needs your help and you currently have more emotional awareness. They need your forgiveness for any failings and your emotional courage to inspire them to heal their own insecurities.  Pour your love, appreciation and gratitude onto your partner and re-discover all those things that you adored about them in the beginning.

How to Communicate In Your Marriage

The buzz word for saving a marriage nowadays seems to be �communicate�. It is as if it will automatically zip up all conflicts and resolve all hurts. It may seem a simple word but it can be quite difficult for one to practice.

There are some pointers for a couple with marital problems to learn the right communication skills before using them correctly to fix their communication in marriage problems.

Your spouse is the closest human relation on earth to you; hence it is your rightful duty, as per your marriage vows, to treat each other well. Each has to look out for the welfare of the other and give one�s spouse the best of oneself. But most of us tend to react the other way; we are most polite to strangers but rude and critical with our spouse. We tend to take our loved ones for granted. Hence, before good communication can happen between the married couple, they must remember their status in each other�s lives and be given top priority at all times.

Communication between spouses

Communication is the process of conveying some message to another. Hence, the right words must be chosen as words, once delivered, cannot be retracted. It is so important to choose your words carefully so that the correct message is conveyed without inferences and guesswork. Always sort out your words first before voicing to avoid misunderstanding and create conflict.

This is especially necessary if your marriage is not too stable when you wish to communicate to resolve issues. Put yourself in your spouse�s shoes to feel how your words might impact him/her.

Another point about communication is the timing. To have an effective communication, it must be done at the right moment. Do not try to communicate when one party is busy or not alert in mind. Your spouse may be sleepy or tired; there will be no positive impact and you will end up being frustrated with the brick wall of communication. Both parties should be calm and ready to deal with the issue at hand for a resolution. That will be the best time to communicate your feelings and thoughts without being accusing or defensive.

Avoid emotional outbursts which tend to turn the spouse away or shut off his mind. This kills all forms of resolution to any disagreement or conflict in the marriage. Raising voices and yelling at each other tear down respect for one another which causes more hurt and frustration.

Communication is conducive when the location is right. Crowded places or in front of your children will not do. The place should be comfortable and secure for both parties so that openness is encouraged. The bedroom is a good choice for privacy and a reflection of intimacy for good communication between the couple.

There are many ways to communicate effectively besides words; one can touch or embrace, give a smile or a kiss. These help to relax the other party and allow softer communication to take place which is more productive. Choose nonverbal gestures of communication to promote respect, love and desire to resolve marital conflict.